Got my letter from May yesterday. Journeyed deep into the basement of the Student Life Center to retrieve it from the campus post office, and it is the sweetest thing I think I’ve ever received in the mail—she also attached two desert tree leaves and a clover to the back of it. The clover is named “Ann Crispanova” and is taped to a Post-it note. I could see writing thru the note’s adhesive and when I peeld it off I found it read: my tornado chaser. This made my day, my week even. She is too nice. I started to write a letter in response but I rambled on & on so I’ll try again tonight.
As I walkt from the SLC to the Waites Complex, letter in hand, I saw a huge leaf-devil moving across the plaza between the cafeteria and the bookstore. It was about 2 yards wide and swirld for maybe 30 seconds. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she sent me that, too.
The resta yesterday was spent helping Alford & Derek set up the concert hall for the Holiday Gala and then napping, chatting with May, blah blah… it’s gotten cold and blustery the past few days so I’ve just stayed indoors, trying to write. This morning (last nite) around 2 a.m. I thought I heard someone breaking into Greg the RA’s room, but it turned out to be a superdrunk Greg. Heard him stumble into our bathroom and spew chunks everywhere. I guess he’d left his keys wherever he was partying—or had them taken from him—and had to walk here and bang like hell on his window to get in. He went to go get his truck today.
Tuesday: Went to hear the senior recital of Timothy Rigel, a composition major. Dunno why but it never occurd to me that composition senior recitals would actually showcase your compositions, and feature various students and faculty performing your stuff. His works were exciting & entertaining, but not very musical. Most people these days are into atonal shit.
Walking back to the dorm Levi & Cameron from ensemble offerd me a ride, then invited me to come to the Gold Rush for open mic nite. Played pool with all their friends, and this chick named Leslie was giving me the eye all night. She lookt a tad irkt when she found out I’m 18 (everyone else is 21+) but it didn’t exactly stop her from flirting. She kept chatting me up, and the general sentiment from everybody was “Why isn’t he talking much?” Cameron askt if I wasn’t having a good time. I said, “Nah man, this is fun, it’s just I’m not a very talkative guy.” Everyone was getting drunk anyway. Cam & Levi played both together & individually, and the crowd loved them. I’m considering playing next time but I don’t know what.
I’ve wanted to get high with Levi since I first met him because I could tell he’s a stoner. Well finally, after he & Cameron had finished their sets, he askt if I smoked. I said “Hell yeah, in fact I’ve been meaning to ask you the same thing.” Ah, the immediate fraternity between two marijuana smokers… I rode back with him to his place over on Caldwell, a crappy little duplex heated by only 2 radiators. We watched Victor Wooten DVDs and smoked out of his bong as people from the bar drifted over. I ended up stoned as a motherfucker on the couch flankt by two gals, Leslie and this perky Asian girl who also kept putting the moves on me. I didn’t know what to do, it seemed so pathetic—it felt like they were only doing this because I was young & fresh, a new face. The Asian was, at least. Leslie seemed more sincere, except she couldn’t resist reminding me of the fact that she’s 22 going on 23. Oh wow, real old. Everyone was nice, tho! It didn’t help much that my blazed mind somehow got me started on the Doug cartoon, which of course at first Les claimed to be too old to remember. Then suddenly she did remember. So Ha. Anyway instead of attempting to respond to these girls’ advances I sat and people-watched, trying to pick up the quirks & customs of this particular group of pot heads. Levi reminds me of Ceejay, only less crazy & more easygoing, with long hair in a ponytail. Leslie is a tiny blonde smart-ass who can handle her alcohol. Cameron is quieter, bespectacled, but always has a wry comment. Then I had to feel like a little kid again when I askt Levi for a ride back to campus. It was like 25 degrees & past midnight and it isn’t exactly the friendliest neighborhood either. He didn’t mind however. I came back and workt on “Salix” for May.
Wednesday: Walkt over to Elliston & hung out with Jeremiah in his new digs—crashing on the floor of Katie Kaboom. Her flat, ground level at the northernmost corner of those brick apartments right beside Obie’s Pizza & The End, in full view of the Exit/In across the street, is the epicenter of Nashville hipness, it seems. Jerry had some fine ’dro (it reminded me of the weed we had in Albuquerque) and we sat around & played music & watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Last week, talking to him online, I discoverd he had guessed my newfound feelings for Maybel. This troubled me, felt like some trust had been breached—I didn’t want him to know anything until I was ready to tell him. But inviting me to hang was like a diplomatic gesture, I figured, and so we had a good time. Went for coffee at Café Coco; Jordan & Heather came by for a bit. I think Jordan is going crazy in his parents’ house… when he talks and smiles the corners of his mouth are always puld down in an expression of doubt & fear, exposing his bottom molars. It’s a grimace poorly disguised as a grin. Poor dude.
(I’m such an asshole. Ceejay just cald me up and invited me to hang out with him & smoke. I want to but I feel like it wouldn’t be worth ditching May. Plus I have no money, and even tho he said he’d have gas money I just don’t feel like going out into the cold rain all the way to Gallatin. As much as I miss Ceej. Perhaps we can hang out a bunch over Christmas Break…)
That night Katie returned from her shift at the Mellow Mushroom bearing a spinach-n-feta pie, which was heavenly. I left after that and came back here to talk to Maybel. She rang me and we talkt for probably an hour & a half. I puld the phone outside at first so as not to disturb Sean, but it got too cold and I had to come inside & talk quietly on the bed. I found out a lot about her life & what happend between her and Jeremiah. Basically he cald her all the time this summer with freakouts and threats of suicide. This is what prompted her to fly out to Tennessee, according to her. He made it seem like they were romantically involved, but—it’s hard to explain the way she did. May thinks Jeremiah’s a sociopath. When she arrived she says he accused her of lying about what she lookt like & then still demanded sex. She also can’t help but wonder if I am somehow in cahoots with him to hurt her even more. Jeremiah, in turn, thinks May is this great manipulator who’s still in love with him (or his image) and is only forming a relationship with me to “get back” at him or make him jealous. What a triangle of paranoia, eh? All that shit sucks to hear & it hurt me to hear it. But it ain’t none of my business in the first place. If I want to be in this band, I need to be able to get along with Jerry. He deserves the benefit of the doubt as much as she. They’re two sensitive, fragile souls who let their fears get the better of them—and I love them both.